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- So long, and thanks for all the fish
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- One more time… Why values are a pile of cobbler’s
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- The man who mistook his wife for an actual change in performance
- There are only 6 graphs you’ll ever see on a performance report and they’re all rubbish. Here they are.
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- What’s the purpose of a-SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!
- How to have an organisational detox!
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- Wanted: idle, indifferent and irresponsible staff for absurd work.
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Category Archives: setting a numerical target is like…
There are only 6 graphs you’ll ever see on a performance report and they’re all rubbish. Here they are.
This is Performance Cat, and she doesn’t like rubbish performance reporting. And she definitely doesn’t like dumbass explanations for meaningless shapes in graphs… One of the more adorable features of performance reporting in normal ordinary command and control organisations is … Continue reading
The sun is in Uranus
This dude is an ASTROLOGER and… This dude is an ASTRONOMER. They LOOK very similar don’t they? Both staring up at stars, they both use telescopes, they both keep accurate records of where astronomical bodies are in the night-sky. But … Continue reading
How do YOU waste time at work?
1: Performance manage at the strategic level What is said: “We performance manage at a higher level, conversations happen between senior leaders where we challenge delivery of outcomes, and identify where performance is slipping” What actually happens: Managers gossip about … Continue reading
Targetitis
You have an invisible illness. It is 2010, you have been sitting in an Accident & Emergency waiting room for 3 hours and 50 minutes waiting to be seen. Of the people before you who has been seen, on average … Continue reading
Magical thinking
“New Customer Service Standards:- New Customer Service Standards have been launched. Cards, leaflets and posters will now be appearing round the building to reinforce this message to all staff.” Appeared today. Will take effect when magical pixie dust has been … Continue reading
Five things to feed a hungry filing cabinet
There’s nothing sadder than an empty filing cabinet. Eliminate the hunger of YOUR filing cabinets by feeding them this nutritious diet of paper-based work substitutes. 1: An appraisal form. Typed up. This will lead to a very different approach to managing … Continue reading
Magical pixie dust
The following are all real answers given in organisations in answer to the question: “How will we achieve our targets?” “Improvements in service delivery focussing on services which really matter to customers” “Ongoing training and evaluation of training needs. Increase … Continue reading
