- 443,074 views
Here’s What You’ve Missed!
- So long, and thanks for all the fish
- How soon is now?
- The Kung Fu Panda principle.
- 3 reasons why I hate pretty graphs
- How to make the world seem REEAAALLLY BOORRRIIIING
- The 2,500 year old lesson everybody ignores cos it’s too hard
- I am a police officer.
- When is a team meeting NOT a team meeting?
- Folk management
- Double Trouble
- WANTED: systemsy stuff to cheer me up
- The secret management model that must not be named
- Why WIFFY’s are bad and to be squashed at birth
- First they came for the desks, and nobody said NUFFINK
- Vanity of vanities, all is vanity OR Why webstats don’t exist
- One more time… Why values are a pile of cobbler’s
- How i learned to skip with Toyota
- The man who mistook his wife for an actual change in performance
- There are only 6 graphs you’ll ever see on a performance report and they’re all rubbish. Here they are.
- If it’s too complicated to understand it’s probably total nonsense
- Can you count up to 8?
- I am totally positive
- I am totally negative
- Thor describes my purpose
- I openly mock Myers Briggs, but an INTP would do
- The Law Of The Instrument
- Reality has a liberal bias
- Why killing Sweat Angels is the most valuable work I do all day
- Cloud cuckoo-land
- Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is a pony
- One weird trick to design your organisation, in one easy step! (Management consultants will HATE you!)
- The Varieties of Human Work
- There really is only one test!
- The Curious Case Of The Chart That Didn’t Bark In The Night
- Looking good, Billy Ray!
- Computers are weird
- We’re number 2! We’re number 2! Yay us! Now who’s US exactly?
- I am an average employee
- How to be hopelessly untrendy
- Why you SHOULDN’T try to improve performance measures!
- The sun is in Uranus
- Lean, ISO and 6 Sigma all walk into a bar. Hilarity ensues.
- Three Reasons Why National Customer Service Week Is Rubbish! Again!
- What’s the purpose of a-SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!
- How to have an organisational detox!
- Your job is not what you think it is
- This mug cost £224,000,000
- Wanted: idle, indifferent and irresponsible staff for absurd work.
- You are no Daniel Kahneman, sir, and I would have you unhand me before I call the gendarmie
- all wrong change clarity of purpose command and control communication customer data deming experiment human brains are weird information knowledge leadership learning me doing it plans plausible but untrue psychology public sector purpose questions statistics systems thinking systems thinking in housing benefits systemz comix targets thinking Uncategorized vanguard method very short posts
- 95% system 5% individual
- all wrong
- ashbys law
- Call centres
- chris argyris
- clarity of purpose
- cognitive bias
- Command and control
- command and control thinking
- control charts
- customer service
- daniel kahneman
- defensive culture
- don't let the bastards grind you down
- double loop learning
- failure demand
- get knowledge
- John Seddon
- kittens are evil
- lean thinking
- local authority
- made to stick
- nassim taleb
- performance management
- performance reports
- policy officer
- public sector
- Seth Godin
- signal and noise
- single loop learning
- some people hate systems thinking
- systems thinking
- systems thinking fundamentals
- systemz comix
- thinking not tools
- thinking system performance
- Vanguard method
- Very short posts
- Zombie Deming
Category Archives: public sector
I stand on the periphery of “improvement activities” going on elsewhere in the organisation. I see things second and third hand through organisational gossip, i.e. people mentioning phrases or names of IT companies doing work elsewhere, somewhere. I’ve got no involvement … Continue reading
I sit next to the photocopier at work. About 3 times a day somebody printing some papers off will ask me if I have a stapler they can borrow, to staple their papers together. This is a question I am … Continue reading
I can’t stand digital by default. -How about analogue by default instead? I can’t stand digital evangelists. -How about analogue evangelists instead? I can’t stand Head of Digital. -How about Head of Analogue instead? I can’t stand digital offering. -How about … Continue reading
This is a quote from an American comedian, taking the mickey out of imaginary Republicans complaining that reality itself is as biased as the liberal-elite media against Republican beliefs and actions. It is a joke about how people convinced they … Continue reading
Well the mug itself didn’t but this is the only visible sign left in this building of a SIMPLY HUGE national computer system built at the cheap cheap rate of a quarter of a billion pounds. It was a database of every … Continue reading
I’m a big fan of Nassim Taleb but clearly he’s no fan of the likes of me. My one saving grace? I do deadlift, 127.5kg for 6 reps, Mr Taleb. He’s never heard of me, but he knows my type. I’m a … Continue reading
In my last post we all had a good giggle about how some improvement methods relegate the actual improvement to an afterthought, with managers doing it as a result of being sold and persuaded of a really good idea provided to … Continue reading
As Jay Z asserts, there is plenty wrong with performance management. And here’s 3 more! Name The reverse pantomime horse gambit What is it? An organisation decides to do something, writes down a group of words and calls it an objective/goal/priority AND THEREFORE IT … Continue reading
Say the phrase “Command and control management” out loud. Doesn’t sound nice does it? What do you think when you hear it? Things like… Call centre staff told to poo on their own time. Hospital patients dying to meet hospital targets. … Continue reading
No fresh hell sweetie. Just the latest incarnation of a stale and very familiar hell. Do you recognise this… yawning at yet another exactly-the-same organisational transformation? wiping sleep out of your eyes at yet another whizz-bang IT venture that’ll save lots … Continue reading
Remember last week’s post told you all about How To Write A Report? To write a lush report you’ve got to remember not to just report numbers and facts but actually do some analysing because… The purpose of analysis is … Continue reading
Hi! If you’re anything like me, you’re an office drone who types for a living. It isn’t as important as making things or healing people, but it IS a living. One of the main tasks of modern-day typists like me is … Continue reading
I came across a job description. It was for a Business Transformation Improvement type. The document contains the word “efficiency” or variations thereof, 4 times. All in the context of “making” efficiencies. The word “effective”, or variations thereof, is in … Continue reading
Tomorrow my blog should hit a quarter of a million views. Yay me. This actually means nothing at all. It’s an arbitrary number that allows me to use the word “million” and thus transfer some glamour onto the act of … Continue reading
Once upon a time I had to write a plan. I was the Directorate Performance Management officer, so I wrote the Directorate Plan. I sat at my dining room table and I WROTE A PLAN. Except I didn’t. I wrote on … Continue reading
This settee is crucial to this post , so take a good look at it. Harder. Go on, put your nose right up to it. This nasty looking thing used to be in my living room, there’s paint on it … Continue reading
That man was a Nazi, and this blog has no truck with that, but I have a similar reaction to talk of organisational culture, in particular, values I don’t get values. I think they’ve been spoiled for me by too … Continue reading
I done got a letter from a reader! Here is a dramatic reconstruction…. Remember these two diagrams? THIS one, the usual, the boring old triangle? And then there is this one, the one thats not a triangle, the one that … Continue reading
I’ve got an eleven year old in final year of primary school and Ofsted are ruining his education. Next week is SATS week. In that week children of the same age all around the country will be tested on how … Continue reading
In the most strategic of rooms in my building, I found an agenda on a flipchart. It is not exceptional, it is typical. This probably happens in your building. This is how decisions are made…. *the photo is real **the words … Continue reading
Step 1: Do something that doesn’t solve the customer’s problem for them. Step 2: Err… that’s it. A fellow onion informs me of the fantastic efforts of a Government benefits department to create phonecalls from nothing. The department has to pay … Continue reading
******I’ve had feedback that these Gifs will take forever to load. They’re not static pics. That’s just your net speed. But it’s worth the wait, they’re HILARIOUS I promise you ******* There’s a cult of work as pure activity in … Continue reading
A council faced with an IT product WILL buy it in the end. It’s like holding in a fart. Sooner or later it’s going to happen, and nothing can hold it back forever.
Public Sector bodies waste huge amounts of money on total balls. One of the most futile are the self-created league tables of performance indicators, showing where their organisation is on sorted lists against other similar organisations. Even though the government got rid … Continue reading
There’s always been a strong tang of resigned self pity running through this blog, like the reek of faeces in a brace of grilled andouillettes. This post however should truly please the connoisseur of bleak despair. Read on, and enjoy … Continue reading
As per previous post, there are many types of Joke Jobs in C&C land. Here are 9 ways to tell you might have one of them. You type a lot of words. If you’re typing, try speaking. If there’s too … Continue reading
I’ve concocted 25 suggestions, questions, hints and tips for a colleague policy officer who has seen the systemsy light yet still faces the task that everybody else hasn’t. Here they are. One just might work. All might be complete duff. No … Continue reading
Public sector organisations don’t really like customers. They’d prefer you’d go away and stop making all your unreasonable demands that are quite frankly BANKRUPTING them. You keep ringing them up, walking through the door even, and worse… asking to speak to … Continue reading
Yes, you heard, don’t act shocked.
“Say what you see” is the latest tagline of this blog. What I see every day is people creating pieces of paper to take into a room for people to look at and decide if they like that piece of … Continue reading
This is Ant and Dec. They’re here to talk to us about trust. [For the benefit of my non-UK readers, they are TV presenters who have conquered virtually every glitzy shiny floored big budget Saturday evening show. They win awards … Continue reading
It is hard enough to find a job if you need one, but if you don’t work, the system that is supposed to support you find a job certainly doesn’t work too. It is broken at the most crucial part … Continue reading
Who wags the tail? Spot wags the tail. Who wags the tail where you work? I have learnt that everything starts with the customer. Resident, patient or pupil, whoever When they contact the doctor/council/police/whatever that’s where things start. You: -start … Continue reading
I’ve been in a meeting today! How can I tell how successful the meeting was? Measure it! With numbers! -it was held in room 42 -it lasted 75 minutes -there were 10 people -there was 1 PowerPoint -I ate 2 … Continue reading
Do you want to be remembered in your workplace? Want to be talked about when you’ve gone as that person who…? Here’s how in one easy step. Step one… 1: Do work that helps the end customer That’s it. Whether … Continue reading
1: Performance manage at the strategic level What is said: “We performance manage at a higher level, conversations happen between senior leaders where we challenge delivery of outcomes, and identify where performance is slipping” What actually happens: Managers gossip about … Continue reading
I’m a Policy Expert! YOU TOO can be a Policy Expert if you follow these simple steps! Step 0: DON’T follow what other Policy Experts do.Most self-proclaimed Policy Experts write up policies, they don’t change things so that policy happens. … Continue reading
Rule 1: Twerking is not the same as working! If you worked here how could you know what “work” actually was? You’ve only seen twerking. If you work in a place where you get your purpose from the mouth of a … Continue reading
How needy are YOU? Take this test to find out! Question 1 How much do you want to feel loved? A: I am a strong independent soul who doesn’t need but will gratefully accept loving. B: I need a cuddle. If … Continue reading
Everyone knows Godwin’s Law, the First Law Of The Internet that broadly says in an internet argument the first person to invoke comparisons with the Nazis has lost. I think this is unfair, not on the Nazis obviously, but on … Continue reading
Ho, ho, ho! But stop! This can be very serious indeed. Ever asked someone why something is being done, and they’ve replied by pointing to something somewhere else, some plan? They’re just turtles too! No, it doesn’t happen. But people pretend … Continue reading
Managers working in the public sector are starving poor people because they are too lazy to bother picking up a book. Yes, I said that. The above graph shows the reasons why people are turning to food banks because they … Continue reading
You walk into a pub and ask the barman… And he says… You’d be annoyed and amazed. And you’d remain thirsty. How likely is that? Well, remember when I decided to buy a bike? Remember this man? ‘Course you do, and … Continue reading
1: It thinks you care most about big projects Name several things you care about your Council doing right. It might be making sure the roads aren’t full of pot-holes. Or keeping your street free of litter and graffiti. Perhaps … Continue reading
The one on the left is an ice-cream Battenburg cake. The one on the right is an actual Battenburg cake. They both have pink and yellow bits, and are encased in sponge. Surely one of them is unnecessary, can you … Continue reading
There was a ruckus earlier between me and ICT. There was an “engagement exercise” where they came to my floor on a specific day and time, for us to “see how they work” and for them to give us “tips … Continue reading
A great big Nazi bomb couldn’t scare these gents off their knowledge. But you wouldn’t need a bomb in most organisations. Not because people don’t like knowledge, but because you need a memory to have knowledge. Memory and knowledge aren’t about memorising lists of facts, like … Continue reading