Category Archives: customer

Vanity of vanities, all is vanity OR Why webstats don’t exist

I’ve been learning how to get data on our website usage from Google Analytics. It’s very hard, both cos Google Analytics front end  is so badly designed and cos you need to learn how websites work. There’s lots of different … Continue reading

Posted in command and control, customer, data, learning, systems thinking, thinking | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

Cloud cuckoo-land

“What matters to me as a customer is getting everything for free. I’d appreciate it if all organisations could just go ahead and arrange that please. No, I didn’t think so.” This comment left on a recent post shows the typical command … Continue reading

Posted in clarity of purpose, command and control, customer, Demand, systems thinking, vanguard method | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments

One weird trick to design your organisation, in one easy step! (Management consultants will HATE you!)

Don’t design your organisation for efficiency for managing demand for digital by default to achieve strategic priorities by copying best practice So what do you do then? Do Design against customer purpose That’s it. The predictable value demands presented by … Continue reading

Posted in clarity of purpose, command and control, customer, purpose, systems thinking, vanguard method | Tagged , | 6 Comments

Three Reasons Why National Customer Service Week Is Rubbish! Again!

Balloons! Oh Christ no…..that means it’s National Customer Service Week! Again! As this mistake is repeated every year, I’ve decided to start repeating the exact same blog post I first did two years ago. So, here again is Three Reasons Why … Continue reading

Posted in all wrong, customer, systems thinking | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

What’s the purpose of a-SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

I went into PC World last week to help make them into a business. I was going to do this by making myself into a customer of theirs. Until that happens, PC World is not a business, it is just … Continue reading

Posted in command and control, customer, systems thinking | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Give it away for FREE!

Imagine you go to a bus-stop and take out a ten pound note and shout to the people waiting…. Everybody will think you’re mad and ignore you. Now imagine you took that £10 and posted it through your neighbour’s letterbox. … Continue reading

Posted in communication, customer, learning, systems thinking, thinking | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

How to create phonecalls you don’t want

Step 1: Do something that doesn’t solve the customer’s problem for them. Step 2: Err… that’s it. A fellow onion informs me of the fantastic efforts of a Government benefits department to create phonecalls from nothing. The department has to pay … Continue reading

Posted in command and control, customer, public sector, systems thinking, thinking, vanguard method | Tagged , ,

Seinfeld explains the great big fat work lie

******I’ve had feedback that these Gifs will take forever to load. They’re not static pics. That’s just your net speed. But it’s worth the wait, they’re HILARIOUS I promise you ******* There’s a cult of work as pure activity in … Continue reading

Posted in all wrong, command and control, customer, public sector, strategic, systems thinking | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

How to hide Fred in a performance report

These are clients of an Adult Social Care service, look how unhappy they are… These are the symbols on the performance report for that very same service…. Why are these so different? The faces of the old people are measuring … Continue reading

Posted in command and control, customer, data, systems thinking | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

3 reasons why National Customer Service Week is rubbish

It’s National Customer Service Week! Celebrate!     Here at ThinkPurpose we love customers so we’d like to tell you about a fantastic event dedicated to improving service for the customer. Set up by the Institute [fancy!] of Customer Service … Continue reading

Posted in customer, plausible but untrue, systems thinking, vanguard method | Tagged , | 5 Comments

3 signs that you don’t like your customers

Public sector organisations don’t really like customers. They’d prefer you’d go away and stop making all your unreasonable demands that are quite frankly BANKRUPTING them. You keep ringing them up,  walking through the door even, and worse… asking to speak to … Continue reading

Posted in command and control, customer, Demand, public sector, systems thinking | Tagged , | 3 Comments

Curry by default

Yes, you heard, don’t act shocked.

Posted in all wrong, customer, public sector, systems thinking, systemz comix | Tagged , , | 14 Comments

Why nobody sits down in a Greggs

I live in the North of England & I love Greggs. For anybody who doesn’t live in the North, Greggs is a bakery that sells cakes, bread, pasties, pies and that. It occupies a very special place in people’s hearts. Here … Continue reading

Posted in customer, Demand, systems thinking | Tagged , | 16 Comments

My Red Beads Experiment (part1)

Remember this? These are the jars that a man is using to count out the rest of his days using beads. I thought I’d like to do something with coloured beads and jars to measure the value of what I … Continue reading

Posted in customer, experiment, me doing it, purpose, systems thinking | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Why I don’t care about the reputation of my organisation

This is Ant and Dec. They’re here to talk to us about trust. [For the benefit of my non-UK readers, they are TV presenters who have conquered virtually every glitzy shiny floored big budget Saturday evening show. They win awards … Continue reading

Posted in communication, customer, public sector, purpose, systems thinking | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

What colour is my work?

Here are coloured beads in 2 jars. A man (a slightly famous games designer in his 60s) every day takes a bead from the right jar and pops it into the jar on the left. Each bead represents a day. … Continue reading

Posted in customer, me doing it, purpose, systems thinking | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Wag the dog

Who wags the tail? Spot wags the tail. Who wags the tail where you work? I have learnt that everything starts with the customer. Resident, patient or pupil, whoever When they contact the doctor/council/police/whatever that’s where things start. You: -start … Continue reading

Posted in clarity of purpose, command and control, customer, public sector, systems thinking | Tagged , | 1 Comment

One of these is unnecessary

The one on the left is an ice-cream Battenburg cake. The one on the right is an actual Battenburg cake. They both have pink and yellow bits, and are encased in sponge. Surely one of them is unnecessary, can you … Continue reading

Posted in communication, customer, psychology, public sector, systems thinking | Tagged | Leave a comment

Do you pretend to do pretend work?

Is this work? No, it’s art. It’s the minimum wage machine! The minimum wage machine allows anybody to work for minimum wage. Turning the crank will yield one penny every 4.97 seconds, for $7.25 an hour (NY state minimum wage). … Continue reading

Posted in customer, systems thinking, thinking | Tagged , | 3 Comments

How to spot when you are getting poor customer service

There is one foolproof method to spot when you are getting terrible  customer service… You have to give GREAT customer service I often have to ring a helpdesk  for some assistance, that is so poor that I have to make sure … Continue reading

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Thank you for shopping at PeopleRus!

Why do you shop at Argos? What matters to you? Is it the sterling customer service? The hand tooled exquisitely crafted customer service? Or the cheap prices, no searching for goods and a very quick turnaround between entering the store … Continue reading

Posted in customer, purpose, systems thinking, thinking | Tagged | Leave a comment

Empty chairs and Teddy Bears

Who’s the most important person in your meetings? In Amazon, it’s an empty chair. When Amazon was starting out Jeff Bezos , the founder, made sure that at every meeting there was an empty chair brought to the boardroom table … Continue reading

Posted in customer, knowledge, purpose | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Purposeful parts

Organisms and organisations are systems that usually have purposes of their own. However, the parts of an organism (i.e., hearts, lungs, brain) do not have purposes of their own, but the parts of an organisation do. An organisation with purposeful … Continue reading

Posted in clarity of purpose, customer, purpose, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

How to make a pig fatter (part 2 of 2)

The best customer feedback I’ve ever seen. And nobody asked them for it. Customers were so delighted at their re-designed service they spontaneously said these words. But before all this, before the thinking changed the service, this was how we … Continue reading

Posted in customer, knowledge, me doing it, systems thinking, systems thinking in housing benefits | Tagged | 1 Comment

How to make a pig fatter (part 1 of 2)

I went on holiday to Spain and this is what happened. At the “meet and greet” welcome meeting on the second day I gathered with other people in a sweaty room overlooking the pool outside. It looked lovely out there. … Continue reading

Posted in customer, data, learning, systems thinking | Tagged | 2 Comments

Zombie Deming takes issue with a poster

Oh dear! Somebody should have warned him! So, what would cause a perfectly sane manager to stick “WORK HARDER” posters up and not expect to be lynched? Command and control thinking as at it’s heart control through commands. The purpose … Continue reading

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The Victoria Pendleton post

I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am. Got that? It’s called “the looking glass self”  theory. Briefly, people construct their identity based on … Continue reading

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My friend the Building Society

My mobile phone rang this morning. -She said: “This is a courtesy call from the Halifax, how are you?” -I said: “I am at work thanks” -She said: “I can call you back another time, would you like that?” -I … Continue reading

Posted in command and control, customer, systems thinking | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

Roger the script monkey

Can you do any of the following: Pay a mortgage or rent? Rear a child? Own, run and drive a car? Choose, book and go on holiday? Go shopping, buy clothes, meet new people and converse? If so, you are … Continue reading

Posted in command and control, communication, customer, systems thinking, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

9 questions about your cake and you

Organisations are layer cakes. There is a long way between the cherries on the top and the damp base at the bottom. Answer these 9 questions to align yourself in the cake and find out what that means for you … Continue reading

Posted in command and control, customer, deming, purpose, systems thinking, Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

A tawdry end

As you are no doubt aware, I had a gas leak. I complained about it, and there was a to-do over whether some boxes were ticked, or whether gas leaked out of a pipe. Both can’t be true, obviously. It … Continue reading

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Bicycle Shaped Object

This is not a bicycle. This is a BSO or “bicycle shaped object”.  It looks like a bike, it’s shaped like a bike. But it is not a bike. It is something made to look like a bike, so someone … Continue reading

Posted in all wrong, command and control, customer, human brains are weird, plausible but untrue | Tagged , | 9 Comments

Airquotes

Irony or sarcasm? – Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Posted in all wrong, customer, Uncategorized, very short posts | 1 Comment

So you work in The Adminisphere…

That’s OK! You can still learn lessons from your mug of tea. What can you learn from this mug of tea? Assuming you work in the adminisphere, and are therefore an adminisphereaucrat for short, look at the work you are … Continue reading

Posted in clarity of purpose, customer, deming, systems thinking, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

3 reasons why job descriptions are phooey

Silly. Un-needed. Harmful at times. They not worth the paper they are written on.   The paper they are written on Read on for why!

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