Trust me, I’m an expert

I am an expert at doing things wrong which is why you can trust me.

I have two areas of expertise.

    1. I am an expert at doing the wrong thing right

I have spent years working at the heart of command and control land doing the wrong thing. Dutifully setting up scorecards, administering service, then directorate then finally corporate performance management systems. All the while getting better at something that shouldn’t be done at all. I became an expert in doing completely the wrong thing. What an asset.

But things never seemed real. Literally. People pored over documents, lots and lots of spreadsheets, but I never witnessed any of the actual work that all this was supposedly measured. I could have been dealing with work from an entirely different organisation on the other side of the world. Playing a pretend game. In the Matrix?

Then I started learning about systems thinking and realised what we were groping for was the wrong thing. Everything we’d been trying to do was a waste of time.  I’d been trying to do the wrong thing and became an expert in it.  This is why you can trust me, I tried it, and it was wrong and I know why.

B.   I am an expert in doing the right thing wrong

Over 8 years I have fucked off countless people by trying to turn them systems.  I have fallen for every trap. Been enthusiastic, used jargon and tried to make people feel stupid.

If there is a trap I haven’t fallen into yet, it is lined up quite soonish for me.  I know exactly how to make people avoid getting into the same lift as me.

So, if you want to know what not to do, ask me. I will have done it, or am planning to do it next Tuesday. Use me as a stepping stone by standing on my head, leapfrogging my mistakes, onwards and upwards.

I’m not ashamed you know. No shame in learning. I would rather be an expert in not knowing how to do something than be a beginner at it.

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This entry was posted in learning, psychology, systems thinking, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Trust me, I’m an expert

  1. Charles Beauregard says:

    “An expert is a man [or woman] who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field.” – Niels Bohr

    Like

  2. ThinkPurpose says:

    Oh, I’m no expert then. Got LOADS more to do wrong, I’m sure

    Post recalled! Internet, could you please send it back to me for recycling?
    I’ll line the rabbits cage with it. He’s called Toffee.

    Like

  3. Anna B says:

    Highly amusing dude! “Over 8 years I have fucked off countless people by trying to turn them systems. I have fallen for every trap. Been enthusiastic, used jargon and tried to make people feel stupid.” Sounds just like me !! Haha! I’m a self-confessed non-expert doing the wrong things wrong.

    Like

  4. Pingback: S/He | thinkpurpose

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